Red stigma Moon haze.

The Pressures of parent hood effect people in different ways. The social conditions around a parent can have a huge impact on how the parent deals with the times of parenting that are stressful. This piece of writing concentrates on the times that a parent is doing the job alone and doesn't feel they have any support or help. that is the time that things can get really tough. when a parent has no way of letting difficult emotions out. Internalized emotions can lead to self harm and negative self image.

Depression can also result in these difficult feelings. Postnatal depression for many woman is a stigma that is to uncomfortable to accept or admit because of society's perceptions. It is something that is slowly changing with campaigns to raise awareness, but for many something that is still to be pushed under the carpet and be embarrassed about.

In this piece the woman has more than one child and feels that she has lost out on the ''single'' benefits of life. The demands of raising a child has become en cumbersome and hindering. What she doesnt realize is that she only feels this because she has depression and no one to talk to. This is a small chunk of her time whilst feeling this.

The children have been put to bed and she has time to ponder the things she feels she is missing. Her emotions snowball and rocket in turn. Till the crescendo where her internalised feeling become rage and bitterness. Finally exhusted from the roller coaster thought process journey she arrives at her destination of this night. The conclusion that she is just a servant now.

This won't be the end of this woman's journey through parent hood though. In the next piece i will be looking at the highs of parenting.

I also took inspiration through a favorite musical piece of mine, Moonlight Sinatra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQVeaIHWWck

Bathed within a soft curl of muted fluttering light

i lay cushioned in the present of alone

roaring silence an invitation to pierce

inky night sky's

with screams

screams that house yarning

frustration and loss

peace no sanctury for me

I rock the sanity wall with wails

welts stream and tumble the floor

their boards scard and lacerated

fizzing with the mommy anger

teaming and seething with ants

hoards of them feasting on

the flesh of my contained emotion

all this i see blindly

staring at those whorls and whirls in the brown glossy rich wood.

The Curtain billowing calmly

in a pale wistful whisp of wind

raising cooled bumps on ice pick skin

blancketing red haze tinkle tinker tears

hands tied to frozen palm embedded fingers

teeth ghosted into scarlet rubber chunks

screw me over shut me tight

i want to kick out scream and bite

rip my hair and gag my mouth

bury me in dirt housed south

pain bleets baring

the needs of you all come demanding searing

into my calm into my heart

thats to full already

to broken apart

to tend to your needs

constant and draining

all the moaning

all the complaining

you want me you want me you want me to much

i am no person

i am not to be touched

by the arts or the classics

the things i love most

I am now just here as a house work slave host.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQVeaIHWWck